just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
