Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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