K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize