So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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