Cold hands, warm shart.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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