I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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