My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
