Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
