4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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