So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
