I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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