She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
