i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize