and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
do herpes really smell.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
