There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just want to make out with him forever
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
