How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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