You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize