i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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