So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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