My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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