The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
there is glitter all over my balls
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
