I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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