You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
