It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
