turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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