Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
