Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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