Hey man sorry I got all grabby
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
The air taste purple.
Randomize
