3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
