hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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