I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
