Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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