thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
