is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
