We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
