There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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