thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
