We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
