every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
