either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
