my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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