If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
