You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
