My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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