what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
