I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
