you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Where did you get a picture of my penis
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
