this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
