On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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