He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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