I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
