if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
