his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
