paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I should be sponsored by Trojan
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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