if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize