I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
