Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize