I got chris browned last night
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
