Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
sarcasm needs its own font
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Randomize
