you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize