It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
