And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
