I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
