After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
