It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
