I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
