I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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