One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
