I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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