the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
