A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Vodka?
Forever.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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