Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
