i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
soo... how was my night?
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