She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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