WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize