I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
