You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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