I puked a lego.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
