Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
