Hey man sorry I got all grabby
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
i am craving dick and cupcakes
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
