you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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