i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
