dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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