How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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