i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
