brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
