The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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