if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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