Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
