I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize