I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
