Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I think I sprained my soul last night
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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