Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize