Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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