Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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