Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I have aggressive nipples.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
