Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
