I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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