Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
