All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
