Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
